Apparently I Wrote This Whole Thing About the Movie Thor and Saved It in a Folder Labeled “Drafty Bullsthit [sic], Etc.” and Forgot All About It Until I Went File-Purging Last Night. So of Course it Belongs on the Internet. This is a Title.
Remember that time I went to see Thor, despite having no prior knowledge of the story beyond Vincent D’Onofrio’s starmaking turn as the auto mechanic in Adventures in Babysitting? WELL HERE’S WHAT I THOUGHT OF THE MOVIE.
From what I can gather, having seen the film all the way through to the post-credits clippymajigger, Thor is the blonde, space alien version of Encino Man. At the beginning of the movie he makes his daddy mad (what your daddy doooo?) and gets banished to Earth, where some science-folk pick him up and try to pass him off as their Human Friend who is Totally Not a Viking from Space, Seriously You Guys, We Swear. But then shit goes down, as shit always do, and some shady government guys come after him, and it is ON. Meanwhile, back in space, Thorncino Man’s smaller, darker, OBVIOUSLY ADOPTED I MEAN DUH brother Loki has hurt feelings and turns to the only means he has to express them: evil. Some other stuff happens, too, like Stringer Bell gets encased in ice for a while, but don’t worry you won’t recognize him as Stringer Bell until the end credits and it’s better that way or else you’ll be all YO STRING, WATCH YOUR BACK, which will distract you from the plot. You know what, nevermind, I wish the whole movie had been about Stringer Bell.
This review of the movie Thor OMG. (Bonus: she takes on The Avengers too. OMG LOling 4ever.)